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Few horror movies really scare me these days. But the alien horror? Even those who are inferior to send the most me in a frenzy of fear. That’s why I dive deep into the sub-genre.

Welcome to “Aliens Scare Me”. A look at alien horror movies on a case-by-case basis. Today’s film was a first time for me. A short film titled Amended.

What is it about : Led by one of the co-directors of The Blair Witch Project, Eduardo Sanchez, Amended is a 2006 direct-to-play video alien film that reverses the storyline and shows a group of rednecks kidnapping an alien in the woods. The author of the film, Jamie nash, said it was originally intended as a horror comic tribute to Sam Raimi and Evil Dead 2. HHowever, Sanchez decided it would be too hard to sell. You can tell by watching this movie that there were moments that could have turned into a complete comedy. We wonder how it would have altered the film…

In Amended, a pair of buddies use a series of bear traps to kidnap an alien running through the woods. Panicked once they have the alien in their van, they reluctantly decide to take him to their ex-friend Wyatt’s place. Wyatt (Adam kaufman) is a paranoid obsessed with aliens, walking around his house with a shotgun and a bottle of whiskey in the middle of the night. Still, he’s sort of the most assembled of the four. Go figure it out.

As the movie progresses, we find out that these four have already been kidnapped and these aliens took control of their entire lives, even killing one of their brothers. The much more interesting part, of course, is what’s going on with the alien in the damn van.

The abductees became the kidnapper and how would our fate have done? This aliens The Airbnb experience is going to be with a group of rednecks in the holler’s mouth. Great. Grandiose.

Why it’s scary: Amended do not go scare Many people. Many will take a peek at the alien (which is beautifully done using practical effects but takes a moment for the eyes to take in) and be ready to count. He’s tall, green, and his face opens like a Polly Pocket with a thousand sharp teeth. His fingers are long and pointed. It’s a lot to take. Corn me to be me? Still panicked me outside.

There is an interesting world construction that takes place in the film as far back as the aliens are concerned which also gives me the heebie jeebies. the aliens, we find out, have tiny creepy little spider-like trackers buried deep in their stomachs that they use to call their friends. They also put them inside the humans they kidnap.

If this particular alien bites you with her aforementioned Polly Pocket dental surprise, your skin will slowly degrade all over the place, leaving you looking like the lady in the bathtub from Cabin fever. All. On.

the aliens also have the ability to take hold of the mind and body of any human being who looks them in the eye. A little too vampire for me on that one, but still.

There are several intense moments in Amended where the alien lets loose in this little house in the dark. He realizes he’s outnumbered and you can tell he’s both pissed off and scareD. He defined “deer trapped in the energy of an Applebee”. Side note: I never actually seen a deer trapped in an Applebee before but with all the crap on their walls and those sticky lamps hanging all over the place? I meone, you can imagine. What I’m trying to say is the alien roaming free in the house panicked me outside. Like when you try to kill a spider but miss it and just know it’s coming back for you in your sleep.

Ultimately the movie didn’t have the budget or the framework to do what it really wanted to do, but you can imagine what they could have done if they had. The ending has one of the worst CGI UFOs possibly ever recorded on film and looks like it was stolen from the computer of the guy who made Will Smith Wild Wild West. But if you can keep an open mind, there’s a lot to like Amended including a scene where Andy the alien (I named him to feel safe again) literally pulls a guy’s intestines all over the room like he’s a human garden hose. The scene is wild, but the guy survives A LOT too long after that happened (what did you just put his stuff back in him and slap his ass?). Alternatively, a great performance by the late great James gammon (Lou from Major league) because the sheriff is cut short by a single shot in the same area.

The scariest part of the movie for me, however, is cerebral. Although there is too much discussion in Amended and a side story of an extremely forced relationship that I would love to be taken away from and walk away from, there is one particularly interesting idea raised in the midst of it all. Those aliens are simply allowing humanity to live.

It is mehas repeatedly mentioned that if they kill the alien they kidnapped, the aliens will destroy all mankind for revenge. The idea that aliens could exist (and they do) and be so powerful that if we ever got it wrong as a human race and killed one, they could easily wipe us out? Do you trust us not to ruin everything? I do not. It’s a scary thought that we can only be cattle for an alien race …

Where it lands: Amended has a rotten 43% audience score on Rotten Tomatoes and a 5.6 on IMDB. He has a lot of problems and certainly didn’t have enough budget to see his vision unfold as he could have. A lot of people won’t see past that, but if you’re like me and really into alien crap? Not their real shit but the topic in general? I think you will find a lot to enjoy here and even a little bit to freak out. Amended is a solid 6.5 / 10 for me.


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